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  • Bill

Mysterious Skeleton on the Sea Floor at the Edge of the Earth, What Brought You Here?

I will preface this by saying I originally wrote this short piece on March 27, 2018. Nearly a full year ago, on a website that never got finished. Please enjoy, and thank you very much for your patience. Put It on My Bill will resume soon, and will never, ever be over. I promise you that.

In AAA blockbuster game of the year 2006, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, you can find, at the very corner of the expansive map, an enchanted glass helmet called "Fin Gleam" that grants the user water breathing and night eye next to a human skeleton underwater off the coast. Any person knowledgeable of the game's secrets and loot knows of the infamous helm of Fin Gleam. It is a very useful item for any beginning adventurer.

The question that keeps me up at night is, how did this lost soul perish? They had on them a magic hat that allowed them to breath underwater. Logic would dictate that this means they couldn't have drowned. Just as well, you can't find any wildlife (or for that matter, any life at all) this far out into nowhere. It's not as if this skeleton was killed here.

There are no weapons nearby, or anything to indicate that they'd committed suicide. Why would you wander all the way to the end of the world to self- destruct, anyway? A flair for the theatrical? Perhaps someone murdered this unfortunate person and was particularly meticulous about hiding the body. This begs the question of why this person was killed, and why their killer knowingly left an extremely powerful, valuable, one-of-a-kind item behind? I speak, of course, of the victim's innocent soul. Maybe the helmet is possessed by it's deceased former owner, thus explaining the magic within.

Or, perchance, this helmet was possessed long before, by something far more inconceivable and sinister than we mollusks knew. Perhaps the corpse knew this, and, in an attempt to destroy this infinite darkness, journeyed far into a lonesome space and thrust the demon into the ocean. And perhaps the accursed helm of Fin Gleam would not allow itself to immolate alone. And perhaps it's owner accompanied the helmet to darkness. And perhaps the helmet made it so. You did not deserve this fate, anonymous deceased.

Suddenly, this great piece of unleveled starter loot seems less appealing. I think I will leave it alone.

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