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  • Bill

"Every Spongebob Frame in Order"

This is a real Facebook page that is posting every frame from every episode of Spongebob. Hundreds, if not thousands, of frames every day.

You have to imagine; when Bill Gates, or Al Gore, or Gandhi, or whoever, was creating the internet, they anticipated some shit showing up on it eventually. Every conceivable type of pornography. Human trafficking and snuff films. People trying to do the same stuff everyone else is doing just to earn a quick buck off some dummies. They probably knew memes would be a thing. They knew that some absurd stuff would pop up on the internet once new generations came and got bored of the everyday stuff.

But do you think they anticipated stuff like this? Stuff that just, honestly, doesn't make any sense, has no real worth, value, reason, or right to be on the internet? Do you wonder if that's where the next generation is headed? Internet humor has evolved so much in the past five years. We laughed at pictures of Farquaad from Shrek, with a YouTuber's face photoshopped onto him, heavily distorted with the letter 'E'.

We were laughing at that three years ago.

In the next ten years, I'll probably have a child. I always hoped for a son. And that child will be so very precious to me that nothing else that ever was, is, or will be, will ever matter again. Except my boy. My beautiful boy who I will raise to be my own. My irreplaceable miracle who will be my lifeblood forever more.

I will watch him grow, learn the same things I learned in my early years. Struggle with grades, make and lose friendships that seem so valuable at that age, though I will watch him and know that these friendships are nothing to worry about. That young, my precious son shouldn't worry about a single little thing.

He will start puberty, and then life will just become so much more complicated for my treasured son. His peers will alienate him for reasons that simply make no sense. Girls that never even mattered before will seem to be the only thing that truly matters to him. His body will change, his emotions will broil. Every day will bring a new kind of strange chaos that, to me, will seem so insignificant. But he's just a boy, become a young man. These insignificancies are apocalyptic to him. And in that way, they are just as important to me, too. I only want the best for him, even if I can't understand it. We will fight, we will cry. And I fear it, I do, because if I lose him, my most important thing, I will have failed everything my life has led up to before him. He means truly that much.

And then, my son, my universe, will discover the internet.

And then, my boy will be lost, and I will have nothing. I will have no chance to stop it, I will have no hope for him.

He will laugh at pictures of fruit bowls.

"Why, Lord? Why have you done this to him?", I will ask, desperate, weeping at the skies above.

And I will receive no answer.

And my precious child will laugh even more.

At pictures of fruit bowls.

(Heads up, a new, feature length Put It on My Bill production is coming to YouTube soon! It is in the editing phase as we speak! I hope you're as excited as I am, and if not, I'm begging you, just give me a chance. Please, please. This is all I have. I need this. I need this.)

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